11/1/12 Box Score Roundup

One thing I'd like to do with the blog this year is have some quick, easy, low-committment fun with games I didn't actually watch. Not only will that make getting content out easier, but there's actually some inherent amusement in reading a box score and imagining what must have happened to produce those results (the nights where Nick Young goes 4-19 from the field while not registering any other stats are my personal favorite). Here's a few takeaways I got from looking through last night's games.

Dallas' second unit had a very bad night

 I had to copy the box score itself so you could experience what I did first hand.

Look at these plus/minus numbers! This is not just coming into the game and struggling... This is hemmoraghing points so fast that medical personnel won't be able to help by the time they arrive on the scene.

I mean, Dahntay Jones: what on earth happened during those 8 minutes you logged? You played less than 500 seconds and your team managed to get outscored by 25 points!? HUH?? At that pace, had you gone the full 48, your squad would've gotten beat down by 150! Did you come into the game and just lose feeling in your legs? Meanwhile, what are Darren Collison and Shawn Marion thinking on the bench as this is going on? And how did Mark Cuban let this stand? (To be fair, it happeend so fast, he probably couldn't do anything about it.) So many mysteries.

Austin Rivers' entirely predictable yet simultaneously surprisingly hilariously awful debut

24 minutes, 7 points, 1-9 shooting, 1 rebound, 2 assists, 3 turnovers, countless pouts. This is the best. And the worst. But, mostly the best.

Utah's beastly front line

Al Jefferson, Paul Millsap and Derrick Favors grabbed 39 combined rebounds last night. As reference, Portland's ENTIRE TEAM grabbed 30. This will be a recurring theme this year, I suspect. (Also, LaMarcus Aldridge... come on dude. You're 6'11". You would get more than three rebounds in 39 minutes by just wandering around the court with your arms in the air. You're frustrating, bro.)

These monsters are Dumb Foul favorites

Opening Night - Dallas @ LAL (TNT)

Welcome back to Dumb Foul! After dipping my toes in the waters of late night NBATV blogging last spring, here at Dumb Foul (“Dumb Foul”, of course, being me, and “here” being my living room), we’re going to make an effort to be more regular in our (my) coverage and commentary this season, even if it means some DVR-powered delays.

To start the season right, I picked up last night’s Lakers-Mavs game at the end of the 3rd quarter.

Eddy Curry, 10/30/12: A reminder that we have no clue what's about to happen, even though we probably know exactly what's about to happen

Before getting into the specifics of what happened (the Mavs dominated and won 99-91), I want to say that this game was exactly what I needed to start the season. I’ve been wrestling with the prospect of blogging about the NBA regular season for a couple weeks. At some level, any reasonable fan has to feel like these next 5 months are nothing much more than a meaningless prelude to an inevitable Heat-Lakers Finals. The idea of writing about it seemed like a sad and relatively joyless exercise in futility.

But last night was a nice reminder of why I watch regular season basketball, and why I want to write this blog. Because, maybe all that inevitability I was feeling was just a bunch of Stephen A. Smith (Stephen A. Smith is the word I’ll use for hype in this blog going forward). Maybe with all that Stephen A. Smith in my ear, I blinked and missed something? Maybe I didn’t think about Nash’s fit for the Princeton Offense, or inability to run with transition PGs like Collison or, even scarier, Westbrook, Lawson or Parker? Maybe I forgot that Gasol is a beta dog’s beta dog’s beta dog, and that he might lose shots, then lose confidence, then pout, then brood, then stop trying? Maybe I missed all this and WAY more and the Lakers are actually terrible and the Cavs are actually great and we have no idea what will happen or where any of this is headed? Probably not, but it’s fun to think about.

Anyways, here’s what I saw.

I turned on a 74-66 Dallas lead as TNT came back for the start of the 4th quarter with a Mike Brown sideline interview. Loyal readers, here’s how I know I’m in for a special season. The FIRST WORDS (I kid you not) that I heard uttered during the 2012-2013 campaign were as follows: “Eddy Curry came into the game and he was dominating us and we can’t let that happen.”

AHHH! YESS! EDDY CURRY! DOMINATING US! CAN’T LET THAT HAPPEN!

If you’re me, and you’re afraid that watching these regular season games is a waste of time because it all ultimately plays out as expected, are there better words to greet you than “Eddy Curry came into the game and he was dominating us" - ARE THERE??

He might as well have said, "Other than the crazy asteroid that struck the court during the second quarter and took us out of our flow for a couple possessions, I really like what we're doing on the offensive end of the floor." We're talking asteroid levels of unexpected here. Thank you, Mike Brown!

With 9:12 left, down 12 in the fourth quarter, the Lakers are showing the following lineup: Steve Blake, Jodie Meeks, Metta World Peace, Jordan Hill, Dwight Howard. Somewhere in central Florida, Jameer Nelson is belly laughing. (Otis Smith is NOT. Still too soon for Otis Smith.)

With 8:06 left, now down 15 (and mind you, the Mavs are playing w/o Dirk and Chris Kaman), the four-future-Hall-of-Famers Lakers end a possession with Metta World Peace taking and (badly) missing a weird double jab step (is that a thing?) 27 foot three-point jumper with 2 seconds left on the shot clock. At this exact moment, every sports writer who published their "expert" pre-season “Power Rankings” just went and f*^ked themselves.

With 6:48 left, Kobe cuts the lead back to 13, calmly knocking down a long, fading-left-off-his-right-foot jumper (is that a thing?).  If Tyreke Evans took that shot 1,000 times, he’d make it once. We’ll know for sure because he’s likely to try. Also, everybody just started taping together those Power Rankings they just shredded.

5:15 left, 93-78 Mavs, and the following sequence occurs: Dwight (badly) misses a free throw, somehow gets his own offensive rebound, puts up a put back layup that gets glass and only glass (no rim, no net, just glass), Gasol gets the  rebound on the glass-only put back, goes up, gets his own shot destroyed by 111 year old Elton Brand, gets taunted by the octogenarian, retreats/sulks back to a disapproving look of curiosity from Steve Nash. Lesson of the night, BURN YOUR POWER RANKINGS.

From here, we trade some meaningless buckets until we hit the 99-91 final mark. Tomorrow, the "Lakers are terrible" Stephen A. Smith machine begins. I can't wait.  Welcome back, league I love.

Additional Note

At different times during the fourth quarter of the broadcast, Marv Albert described Brandan Wright as, “the Hustling Brandan Wright!” and praised him for his “hard work tonight.” As John Hollinger points out, last year, Brandan Wright was “one of only two players to play at least 500 minutes without drawing an offensive foul.” Once again, lesson of the night, BURN YOUR POWER RANKINGS.