11/1/12 Box Score Roundup

One thing I'd like to do with the blog this year is have some quick, easy, low-committment fun with games I didn't actually watch. Not only will that make getting content out easier, but there's actually some inherent amusement in reading a box score and imagining what must have happened to produce those results (the nights where Nick Young goes 4-19 from the field while not registering any other stats are my personal favorite). Here's a few takeaways I got from looking through last night's games.

Dallas' second unit had a very bad night

 I had to copy the box score itself so you could experience what I did first hand.

Look at these plus/minus numbers! This is not just coming into the game and struggling... This is hemmoraghing points so fast that medical personnel won't be able to help by the time they arrive on the scene.

I mean, Dahntay Jones: what on earth happened during those 8 minutes you logged? You played less than 500 seconds and your team managed to get outscored by 25 points!? HUH?? At that pace, had you gone the full 48, your squad would've gotten beat down by 150! Did you come into the game and just lose feeling in your legs? Meanwhile, what are Darren Collison and Shawn Marion thinking on the bench as this is going on? And how did Mark Cuban let this stand? (To be fair, it happeend so fast, he probably couldn't do anything about it.) So many mysteries.

Austin Rivers' entirely predictable yet simultaneously surprisingly hilariously awful debut

24 minutes, 7 points, 1-9 shooting, 1 rebound, 2 assists, 3 turnovers, countless pouts. This is the best. And the worst. But, mostly the best.

Utah's beastly front line

Al Jefferson, Paul Millsap and Derrick Favors grabbed 39 combined rebounds last night. As reference, Portland's ENTIRE TEAM grabbed 30. This will be a recurring theme this year, I suspect. (Also, LaMarcus Aldridge... come on dude. You're 6'11". You would get more than three rebounds in 39 minutes by just wandering around the court with your arms in the air. You're frustrating, bro.)

These monsters are Dumb Foul favorites

Portland @ Golden State - 2/15/12

I picked up this 93-91 Portland win on ESPN with about six minutes left and GSW leading 79-76. The Blazers ultimately do two things tonight they haven't done well all year: win a close game (1-9 in games decided by < 10 points), and win on the road (4-10 entering last night). My thoughts on the 6 minutes I saw.

1. When I turned the game on, GSW was showing this lineup: Nate Robinson, Steph Curry, Klay Thompson, Brandon Rush, and Ekpe Udoh. Inevitably, the first thing I asked myself was, if they stay on the court together, how long can these 5 guys conceivably go without getting a rebound? Minutes? Quarters? Eras? We're talking about, respectively, the 274th, 209th, 273rd, 199th, and 145th ranked rebounders in the league occupying the court at the same time. These are the five worst rebounders on the second worst rebounding team in basketball. Sadly, my little experiment is ruined in mere seconds when David Lee checks back in for Udoh. He gets 3 rips in the next minute of game action. Damn you, Mark Jackson.

Also, as Legler duly noted on the broadcast, the combination of Curry, Robinson, Klay and B Rush managed to achieve the seemingly impossible, turning a 4-on-1 fast break into a badly bricked NateRob three. Gerald Wallace, the 1 in that 4-on-1, was so confused standing by his lonesome under the basket, he almost forgot to get the rebound. The Warriors!

2. The last 6:30 of this game epitomized everything about Nate Robinson as a basketball player. A few things about NateRob: First, he truly looks like he'd fit in better in the Raiders secondary than the Warriors backcourt at this point. Second, with the flat top 'fro he's got going right now, he also looks like he could've sat in with K-Ci on a night when Jo-Jo was sick. Finally, he was so explosive on offense tonight, he managed to keep Monta Ellis on the bench for the entire 4th quarter! Monta Ellis! The Monta Ellis who hung 48 on OKC two weeks ago. Him! That guy! He sat the entire 4th quarter! And the crazy part is, he had to. In the 6 minutes I watched - in a close, meaningful game against a good team - NateRob went for 7 points. He made two impossible driving layups*. He made a clutch jumper and forced two turnovers. That being said, he took and missed aforementioned "ill-advised" 4-on-1 fastbreak 3. He travelled while trying to dribble through a trap he could've easily passed out of. He missed a free throw with the team down 1 with :51 seconds left. Most importantly, he wasted the team's final :06 second possession by flying from baseline to baseline in order to storm into a tribunal gathering of the Village of Shot Blockers, resulting in the game ending with him dribbling off his own foot. Steph Curry had a look. Brandon Rush had a look. Klay had a look. These are good shooters we're talking about. The mystery of NateRob continues....

*There is nobody in the NBA - save maybe LeBron -who's more explosive going from the top of the key to the rim than NateRob. Dude is a rocket.

3. Marcus Camby is gracefully becoming the real-life version of Wise LeBron from those old Nike commercials. If, in the next three years, he shows up to a pre-game layup line wearing a three-button cardigan and rocking a Kangol cap, I won't be surprised.

4. The biggest shot of the game, by far, was a very ballsy, very lethal 3 that Jamal Crawford took and made with 1:01 left to put the Blazers up 91-90. It inspired my buddy @yanzdowski to send me this gem.